i just smiled : )

sometimes things can get so bad that you think that theres no way out. you even start telling yourself you should just give up. i did that today. this morning i mean. and last night i suppose. Cory and i ended up working out the problems, and we are going to watch a movie tonight. i am not sad. i just need some time to recognise that i am just right for him, that i am enough for him no matter what the past wants to say.
i went to target with Cory and my mom today while my little sister Evelyn was at her volleyball practice. i picked out two really nice sweaters and some shoes. one sweater is grey with thin black lines on it. it buttons together. the other sweater is black and thick. it seams to be some wort of knitting. it has nothing to tie it together in the middle, it just has loopie floppy cloth that circles around the end of the sweater in the back. they are both very comfortable. and the shoes are black ugg boats that have white-pinkish fake fur on the ankles and two little wooden beats that hand from black strings on the side. Cory saw a nice black watch that he said he wanted. i said i would buy it for his birthday that is coming up. he said no. then i teased him and said that i would buy it for myself and wear it. then he said that he wouldn't like that because he would want it. i said too bad. when my mom met up to us to buy the things and go pick up my sister, i told her that i would pay her back for the watch because it was Cory's birthday present. she agreed. i told Cory that my mom wouldn't let me get the watch.
the thing about Cory is that he buys things for me all the time, like when we bike to the gas station, or when we bike to Walgreen's, he usually buys me candy, but he doesn't like it when people buy things for him, especially not me. and you would think that his birthday and holidays would be an exception, but he refuses. he doesn't even want me to acknowledge his birthday even though he's turning 16 this year. i will anyways and hopefully he will still be happy.
something you probably do not know about me and Cory is that we met in 6th grade. i was the new girl. i started dating this guy Zach that was friends with Cory and Mitch, and thats how i know them. one day when Cory and i were working on a project, he was teasing me and i was teasing him. finally i ended up saying something like "do you want me to make your life a living hell?" as little girls do to intimidate their crushes. i think about it now, and it was really weird of me to flirt with boys that way, but i dont regret it. i think its cute. i would beet up on all the boys, and i liked being around boys verses girls because girls were weird and cliquey to me. but after i said what i did, Cory said, "No thanks. im not ready for a relationship yet." and smirked. the next day i told a lot of people that i liked him and he finally asked me out by lunch. we only dated for about a month then. i ended up going back out with that Zach kid. but when i dumped Zach on the 4th of July 2007, i called Cory and i played the guessing game with him. i said, "i know someone who likes you..." and made him guess. he guessed everyone but me and then he figured it out. we ended up meeting up at the 4th of July day fair and buried my bracelet in the sand of the playground at the park near the police station. he went with his family for the fire works and i went with mine, but when we talk about it now, we both agree that it was like we were right next to each other. but i didn't know if were dating or not until we saw Transformers in the movie theater with my dad. we held hands for the first time. him and i kept rubbing our thumbs on each other's hands to show we cared. my hands were cold and his were sweaty. but it didn't gross me out. it just showed that he really like me. i cheated though - i left my hand on the cup holder until it was cold to finally grab his hand. it was usually me making the first move.
all together in 7th grade we dated for 8 months. he never kissed me. i always told my friends to tell him to kiss me and it never really worked. but one day, i wish i could remember the day but i dont, i told Mitch to tell Cory to kiss me. we were walking out to the buses. his was usually in the back of the line of buses and mine was in the front. when we went in to hug each other like we did every day, he kissed me softly on the cheek. Kaitlyn was behind me waiting for me to say goodbye and walk to the bus together since we were on the same one. i tryed to kiss Cory, but i failed because we were already hugging and he caught me off guard. i was completely speechless. when i walked towards Kaitlyn, i had the biggest smile in the world on my face. i was glowing brighter than anyone there. and normally i can't shut up on the bus. but Kaitlyn kept asking me "What?" and laughing because i didn't say anything the whole bus ride. i just smiled.
i miss Kaitlyn a lot when i think of these moments, because i wish i could still talk to her about them and talk to someone who remembers this moment too.
-anastasiaphilips ^^)